Colds, Phone calls, and Tattoos.

Wow! I haven't posted in months! Just goes to show how busy life can be, but let's be honest, I haven't been THAT busy. To put things in simpler terms, I've been stressed out! Anyway, I need to vent so I logged onto the blog to toss some wisdom your way, although I'm not going to provide you with any new knowledge once so ever in this post.

So, I'm pissed off -_- What can I say, I get mad very easily depending on the subject, person, and what mood I'm in to begin with. I find myself rather upset and I'm not quite sure why? That's normal right? Go figure. I am recovering from a rather legit cold that has kicked my immune systems ass for days, and my first day back to work was today. So, I make it through the day ( which seemed to move very slow ) and the first thing I want to do is just hear Alex's voice, just talk to her, see what she's up to, what she's been doing all day, etc, etc.

Ring, ring, ring, no answer. So, of course I leave a voice mail: "Hey, call me back". I'm simple like that. Anyway, I get a call back a few minutes later and everything's kosher, until she's talking about her tattoo that she was supposed to have gotten Monday ( now changed to today ) and how she hasn't gone yet and is waiting on the place to call her back if they can ink her today or not. Also, Alex was supposed to go Christmas shopping today with her/our new friend Chase ( I'll finally meet the kid Friday, he's new to area ).

So, I'm talking: "Well, why don't you just meet up with Chase now or have done so earlier and just you know, gone and schedule the tattoo for the next free day off, less stress that way and you'd have had more time to actually shop today and hang out with Chase." Her initial response is, "No, I want it now". Now, if she were a young kid who wanted candy or a new toy, I'd expect that response, but not from an 18 year old who her license, a car, a job, cell phone, etc, etc. I mean come on now, real...

Bottom line, I got pissed off. I mean, her response was just so "immature" to my ears. Now, I know reading this, this has to sound ridiculous. I suppose I should explain that her oldest sister "PROMISED" her the tattoo to begin with, but since her younger sister was doing this whole "bring in a brand new 10$ bill for Christmas, get a "X" by "X" size tattoo "FREE" <- anyway="anyway" but="but" free="free" get="get" guess="guess" i="i" intentional="intentional" it.="it." it="it" not="not" obviously="obviously" p="p" quotations.="quotations." s="s" story.="story." that="that" there="there">
So, I understand her having wanted this thing for months now since probably June/July as a graduation gift. Let's make this clear if there's one thing I have noticed about Lea ( her oldest sister ) it's that she can't keep promises that involve her spending her own money on something substantial and or of any substantial amount of money. I'll stop it there. So, her mother was like "I'll pay for your tattoo Alex" and this came about because her youngest sister Jess kept going on about getting her small 10$ tattoo and it rubbed Alex the wrong way, having been promised hers for months now.

Okay, back to where I got set off, as you know Alex was just rubbing me the wrong way with her whiny attitude about not having gone to get her tattoo done yet today ( It's like 3:40 ) so the day's not over with, but I personally would've just jumped at more time with a new friend as well as shopping if I were her, especially with it being her 1 day off that she's aware of right now. I'm not her of course and as we all know she REALLY wants the ink done already. I get that much, but damn.

Could you be more rude on the phone, now I should mention I had an "Ok" day at work, but I also just wanted to hear her voice, talk, and relax. Not talk to her and get all this noise, ya know?

Ends up where she finally says "Yeah I know what you're saying" but she still had this attitude. I said "I think I'll talk to you later, okay?" She then goes into questioning why, and eventually say's well okay then.

Well see, I sort of figured she's somewhat fight for me to actually talk to her and have a conversation outside of all this tattoo junk. My hopes were far from right, instead it was "Well, okay, I'll talk to you later then." Granted this is good, I wasn't thrilled to hear that, but like I said better than nothing, but as I stop to try and save this what seems like a "waste" of a phone call, it just ends up where I hurt her feelings and vise versa by asking why she just won't talk and by that I mean about anything else ( as stated ). I eventually got just fed up and said "Fuck this" and got off the phone. We were both immature, hell me more than her probably, but I just had a hell of a day and broke the whole "calm" bullshit.

Truth be told I think I was still somewhat hurt from last night, you know been taking cold medicine for days, and I went to bed early of course ( work in morning ) and gave myself extra time to talk to her ( who doesn't want to talk to their significant other before bed? )

Well she was watching a movie with a friend last night. This is a good thing though, she needs friends here and there, she hasn't had too many around lately. I for whatever reason just felt so helpless and misunderstood and alone, I guess it was a combination of having a "plan" for before bed as well as fed up with this cold.

So overall I'd rate this more me than her, but that doesn't get her off the line. She still wasn't cool, def not cool.

Well, I feel somewhat better. Thanks for being here when I need you blogger!

Passion

Oh, wow. I fucked up. Have you ever stumbled upon something, legit stumbled upon something, not walked into a room with the intent of looking for something in particular, but seen something that caught your eye and started reading it or looking into it, whatever it may be? Yeah, I just did that. Honestly, I'm sort of hurt, not to sit here and complain or be a "bitch" about it, but I sort of am really hurt inside, but I suppose things could be worse, worse things could have been written, more detail could have been noted in that flimsy black notebook that I shouldn't have even picked up and flipped pages through. Ugh, my stomach is like telling me to get the hell out of this situation now. I hate it, but what is my heart telling me, well what I feel its telling me is to ask her about it, but is it worth it? Is it going to create a false answer to come from her lips, or is it going to then create tension & worse, bring him back into her thoughts again. I like to think I'm pretty trusting of people, and maybe that's my downfall. As right now, I sit typing this and I can almost feel myself getting more upset, but am I in the right or wrong to be upset, if anything I think she'll be more upset with me, once I tell her, which has to be relatively soon, like today or tomorrow, or else if I am not holding the right composure, will probably note that something's off. Well, never mind because I made the mistake of responding to one of her texts, and then adding on "Can I ask you something, a question I brought upon myself." That was a mistake, I can't do that to her, like I can't tell her I read some of it, especially while she's at work, that's just not cool, I'd hate to have to "deal" with something or feel stressed about something while at work. She's with me for a reason, not him, if she wanted him she'd be with him. If he was any form of guy that deserved her, he "might" have her, but from what I've been told, he may have had some good qualities, but in the end he wasn't a very nice guy, a nice guy isn't someone who toys you around, sleeps with you, creates a false pretense of feelings in your head, and then when you know it's not a good situation and pull away, and realize certain things about that person, and move or, or try to do so as well as you know how, then you want to show up in her life and confess some sort of "I want a relationship with you now" now that I've already sort of taken what I wanted from you and seen that I don't have someone steady to go hang out with and sleep with, no dude, sorry I don't know you, but fuck you. I'm getting a lot more livid about this than I imagined I would, not a good quality to possess in the moment. She responded when I said, "actually ignore that, it's no big deal" which clearly wasn't the right use of words either. She says "Noo, tell me." Well, I think if I do tell you at all it'll be through you reading this or me talking to you in person, not through text, the better way is in person. I take the "serious" things we speak about, like the fact that we do like each other, that you do tell me you like me a lot, and see this going into the future ( you don't know how far, well shit I don't either ) but we're both giving our best efforts, and as far as I was aware it's going well, things are smooth and you are happy, I know I make you happy, I can see it on your face, hell your sister and family has told me I make you happy to my face with their own lips. But, in the event that it's all wrong, that sucks. I hope Jesse isn't an issue, I've asked you before, but I brought the paranoia upon me, myself. All because I read those 4 or 5 pages out of curiosity and with a smile on my face hoping I'd see something nice written about me, who knows, but I didn't go into your room looking for trouble, or any of your personal shit, I really don't know what I was doing, I just I'm here alone at the moment, your mom just left and well, I went upstairs walked into your room, for some stupid reason layed down on your bed and then noticed the notebook beside your nightstand, in the moment I just went for it, like oh whats this, I am sorry.

4/20 weekend.

Ha, okay. First off. blogger has decided to change it's layout as far as how things look when I'm typing a post, I do not know if I like it at all, not yet at least. It looks like it's my entire screen! Regardless of that rant, I've had an excellent week, 1 down vs many ups. I'll take that any day! Gzus, this layout makes me feel like I'm in Word typing. Okay, so I'm basically just going to rant about stuff tonight. It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most. Seriously, how could I make that any more true! I've experienced some of the simplest things over the past month and they have made me the happiest of people. I like to think life is easy, we make it hard. That isn't entirely true, sometimes life is going to be shit. Point being, the small things that you do and act on will always outmatch the things that are huge and overdone. Also, did I mention I'm awesome? Well lets get all hopelessly romantic for a bit. Alex and I are doing very well, funny thing, 1 month together fell on 4/20. Oh that silly "holiday" and all it is. I've got to hand it to her parents, what a daughter they've raised. Alex brings out the best side I have, couldn't ask for more. She's easy on the eyes ; ) Easily one of the nicest girls/people I have had the opportunity to meet in my life, and I couldn't be more attracted to the person she is through and through. Now, 1 month isn't any crazy amount of time, but it's just nice to realize how time has passed so quickly and how happy we've been when we're together. Feeling good, we're feeling alright =) It's funny how little time her and I had together over the weekend, last night we were able to sit and talk for an hour or two. Can't complain with that, we talked about a lot actually, a lot of things that well I guess we both sort of just had sort of sitting in our head from time to time. It was nice, it's always nice to hold her in my arms, or just completely bum it sometimes and be lazy around the house with her, although this weekend didn't leave me with much sunshine. I swore at one point it was going to snow today. I was asked for the first time this weekend if I am or was ever jealous of Jesse. Jesse happens to be this guy who was "seeing" Alex prior to her and I meeting. I'm not saying he's a douchebag or anything of that sort, I don't know the guy. I will admit this much, when I asked her to show me him on Facebook the other evening when we were kicking it in her room, I wish I hadn't. Guys certainly stacked as far as being a bit bigger than I am, not saying that's everything by any means. Hell I'm a liar if I don't admit to seeing him and being like wow, um did I luck out or something because dude looks like he tries to be a badass.. .., and might sort of pull it off, hence why I sort of think him and I wouldn't get along one bit, oh and the fact that I "win" Actually I didn't win anything. I guess I am just a good guy, with the right mix of "bad" attitude. Who knows guys, who knows. I'm all about the look that you're giving me =) So, to answer the question. I did indeed say yes I suppose I have been a little, not so much now as opposed to where I had first really been informed of who he was and what they were doing as far as any sort of "relationship" was going on. Which there wasn't. It was one of those meh, I don't know the word for it. Regardless, I am not trying to bad talk him one bit, but yes I suppose a little part of me was at one point, only because I didn't know much and I was so excited to be around you and have met you. No worries though, I'm as normal as the next guy in my reaction I think. Just like you said: I'm with you because I want you, I like you. I'm not with him, I'm not with anyone else, I'm with you. Now I'm going to bounce off of this thing, I am currently repeatedly listening to Rebelution on Spotify.

Freakn Weekend?

I had probably one of the best weekends yet! Aside from the unfortunate expected drama =/ things went great, and I had an awesome time with Alex as well as some of the friends.

Do I believe in the L word as first site, yes, I'm not saying that this is anything like that, but I certainly like this girl a whole lot, and I feel like this is going somewhere, and I feel like it's not going to slow down (within moderation) I know I sound "love struck" or whatever, but it's a crazy world out there, so if that suits the feeling so be it.

I have such a quality girl in my life, how can I, me, Nathan Pipher be so lucky...,

Really, I'm over thinking girls that have all these qualities don't exist, because what's there not to believe, she's right in front of me! She's with me! No one else, there is no bullshit guy(s) trying to cause issues, things are so smooth going, I feel like I try so so hard to explain how much I like the girl, but I risk smothering her or something. As much as she says she's loves hearing how I'm feeling and that she tries to put all her feelings into words herself, I just don't want to ruin it haha.

Now, that's all said and done. Yes, I'm all smiles. Each week I can't wait to see her. I enjoy all of her company! I love the way she makes me feel.

I've started something, I leave notes for her, I try to leave them in odd places or somewhere that I know for sure she'll see them eventually. I like doing it, it's my way of trying to "keep things alive" not that I have to worry about that at all, but you know what I mean, right? It's fun, it's something I like to think she enjoys getting, I imagine her smiling when she reads them, and keeping them somewhere special every time adding to the pile.

Who knows, I think I'm a bit too hopelessly romantic, but this weekends picnic went awesome!!!

I decided I'd get a basket from home, toss 2 wine glasses in it with a wine she likes, and grab a blanket. The food, well I was going to go with take out Chinese, butDel Sol sounded so good! I felt on top of the world putting it together, I felt like this is something she can say no other guy does, that she would love it, and she did.

It all went well, we ate, sat, talked, held hands, all that stuff. And towards the end of it, which was mainly because of a tiny bit of rain that was spitting, anyway as I was saying she looked to me as we layed talking and says "Thank you" she does it with the perfect face, smile, & ughhhh, you have no idea how great of a feeling it is to have a person in your life that respects all the effort you put into something.

Her dad approved =)

Now, it's like 10:21 and I have to get to bed shortly, I hope you read this.

Goodnight!

So,

So, lately has been great. I've been introduced to a girl through a friends girlfriend.

Funny how the world works out. So far, and I don't see this stopping, I am really into her. There is some sort of spark that ignites when she smiles and I can't help but love every moment of it.

She's really got everything I've ever looked for in a person, and in this situation a girlfriend.

I have had my fair share of shit to deal with over the last 3-4 years and it shows right on my sleeve and even more through old posts in this blog. As I sit and read through so many of them, I realize when I said I was happy, I truly wasn't and that's something that was at first very painful to realize, but I'm very glad it is something I am able to look back on now and know wasn't right for me in my life.

That being said, lets get back to the positive, I know no one reads this, and I know the few who even know it exists may or may not even check up on it.

So, Alex, oh Alex, haha.

This girl gives me all sorts of butterflies, we just click.

I have never shared some of the moments I have with Alex in the past few weeks, compared to being with someone for years, it's crazy how much you can sit back and realize.

What can I say, I'm happy & I am glad I finally decided to post something tonight.

I've wanted to delete this entire thing, but truth be told I can't do it. I think I'll end up making a new one soon in terms of starting a new =)

Back to Alex and I, this girl is great! That is the only word I'm going to use because there are some people and things in life you can't put a word for and so far I can't find any other than happiness.

Ugh, just chiefed the hookah and it was way too hot!

I am a.d.d. obviously.

I haven't decided if I want to give her the link to this yet, but I know I will.

On that note, I'm going to sit on Skype.

Goodnight.

There's already a pattern, you let me hang myself for as long as you want, then after you're done with me, you don't even bother to cut me down, you leave me to pick up all the pieces. If a total random turn around doesn't happen, it never will.

Indubitably

I wonder if you already know,

I want to ask but I get distracted by how you glow,

You got me tongue-tied and nervous,

I'm shaking from my head to the sole of my shoes.



I have a problem with my memory,

When it comes to forgetting you,

I can't recall anything at all.



You see darling,

You captivate me,

Accidentally,

And now,

I've fallen in love,

Indubitably.

You know

I wanna see you
and hug you
and kiss you
and make you smile
and make you laugh
and just lie on the sofa next to you
and then just fall asleep beside you
it'd be nice.

John Lennon

This is to you sir, this is for you, all your friends, family, and music, music as it was, is, and will continue to be.

You inspired so many of us, you lifted us up, you felt our pain when we were down.

Although times were different, things were just as hard as they can be now.

I thank you for everything you did in your lifetime, thank you for it all.

You are forever missed & always remembered.

I Miss You At Night

"I wish the rain were your whispers

the blanket folds for your arms

placed protectively around me

no longer wool and yarn…

the creaking steps are your snores

descending you to deep sleep

I lie awake contemplating

these small memories I keep…

a picture patched together

made from my reminisce

and all the loud little things

that I will always come to miss."

Entanglement

"A slight tongue twister tangled in my thoughts

brain bending backwards threatening rot.

I can’t figure you out,

You know what I’m talking about.

I’m still in square one .."

Aye

I cannot tell you how many times my heart has stopped today

thinking perhaps you went out of your way

to tell me you’ve decided to stay

and rearrange my entire day

by stopping by to say

you wont wish me

away.

The Difference Between Medicine And Poison Is In The Dose

The Difference Between Medicine And Poison Is In The Dose
-Circa Survive

Move one inch at a time.
Don't make shit rhyme.
Would it be easy to repeat the first line?
My mind's not a well;
It won't run dry.
Just keep drinking water and you'll be alright.
This is paralysis with no time at all to let go.

Well don't call me by my full name,
And all this is temporary.
It feels much better to know that you won't feel a thing.
Well don't talk about it;
Write it down but don't ask for help.
I can't be honest with even myself.
Did you ever wish you were somebody else?

Accomplishments are transient.
They pulled me in unremittingly.
Just lasting this long,
I feel relieved to let repetition save me.

Well don't call me by my full name,
And all this is temporary.
It feels much better to know that you won't feel a thing.
Well don't talk about it;
Write it down but don't ask for help.
I can't be honest with even myself.
Did you ever wish you were somebody else?

Move one inch at a time.
You'll be just fine.
Move one inch at a time.
You'll find...
They pulled me in but accomplishments are transient.
They pulled me in but accomplishments are transient.

Well don't call me by my full name,
And all this is temporary.
It feels much better to know that you won't feel a thing.
Well don't talk about it;
Write it down but don't ask for help.
I can't be honest with even myself.
Did you ever wish you were...
Did you ever wish you were...
Did you ever wish you were somebody else?



I've absolutely loved that song ever since I heard it 3 years ago. And I never analyzed it so much as I have tonight. Anyway, that's not the point. I can't sleep, well I could, but I can't seem to sleep comfortably or for very long without waking up. My heads a mess right now. I'm frustrated, and uneasy about all sorts of things.

It seems to be when I feel good about our relationship (that being both of us) that then it really does take 2 steps back. I am right in having heard what was spoken to me. Earlier on you had once told me that yes, you came back home to be with me. I'm sure there is more to that, but you ultimately did it because you cared for our friendship, which we knew was far more than that, and look what it's become. Beautiful.

I can't tell you the amount of things I've learned about myself and about a relationship. The things I now think far more about than I ever have. How I think through things just a little bit more because I try to play out how you would feel, or what your opinion would be. It's been not only one of the best things to ever happen to me, but also one of the most unforgettable and important things to me.

I'd always considered myself a pretty mature person for my age, but you learn more about yourself when you are around a certain person or people. Don't get me wrong, sure I still think I was mature, but I grew from the level that I was on, I grew a lot. I like to think we both did, together, as well as in our own individual ways. Just like we should. After all we're only human.

The point to this post, well what is it? I wish I knew. Maybe it's just so you'll read it. Maybe it's so it'll pass some time and I'll have better luck with this next attempt at sleeping. It could even be just to reflect. I guess it's all of the above, maybe more.

You're right ya know. I mean the things you say to me wouldn't be coming out of your mouth if they were generated out of experience, past, present. Why does a guy like me deserve this girl that you are. This gorgeous girl, who is very smart, not just book smart, but smart in all sorts of ways that one should be. There are far too many adjectives and compliments to ever cover the spectrum that you are. You are you.

So, tomorrow will come, although it's already 4:34 A.M. Monday morning. I've got to produce twice the effort I've been giving towards employment and find a job or as sad and pathetic as it sounds; love won't be enough.

Look to the stars to medicate

"It's not hard to fail, it's not easy to win."
-S.W. / Cold.

Along with roller coaster of emotions that I go through trying to understand and deal with my lifes down moments I usually try and see the better part of things that I am and/or should be thankful for. When I really think about what I'm thankful for, it's definitely nothing like the pilgrims and indians would be sitting on there asses talking about that's for sure. Wow, look at me, I'm making references to holidays now, yippe. Anyway, right now I feel like I am where I'm supposed to be, on track with where I should head towards, friends with the right friends and in a relationship with a girl who I should be with. That doesn't solve all the stuff I'm stressing about!

I've got the stress of finding a job, which ok I'll admit that I am on picky bastard about this job thing. I do not want to work a really bullshit job that I have always told myself I won't end up doing, but on the other hand we have to do shit we don't always want to do.. I love how those classic sayings are starting to appear realistic to me now. I just really want the warm weather to get here, so that I can hopefully get in with a landscaping contractor to learn and get work with because if I had my way I'd do that all my life, just learn about plants/flowers and landscape that shit like a pro. Let me guess.., who say's you can't have it your way Nathan? The world doesn't like honest work anyone haha!


"She didn't come from the same world
See the same things, I can't deny
I bled on stages to get here, sent screams
Up to the sky"
-S.W. / Cold

My relationship with my girlfriend continues to go well, she's planning on staying where she is now, home with her mom and sister, she'll attend Sheppard and work for her mother's boyfriend as long as he keeps her employed, she'll have more support here and it'll be easier finacially and in my opinion much more comforting emotionally for her. I was very exciting when I not only read her blog about it all, as well as her telling me over the phone tonight. So, things are going to continue to grow between us, not that it was stopping.

In other random bullshit that I can type about I'd like to bring up that I have been on a Cold listening kick the past few days and it always brings out the good and bad memories when I listen to a good heartfelt song that Scooter has written with the pain and suffering of both good and bad that he himself has experienced in his lifetime.

"Why can't you look, why can't you look at me
See what I see
Why can't you feel, why can't you feel like
Me feel what I feel
Why can't you hurt, why can't you hurt like me
Taste the pain I feel"
-S.W. / Cold

I'm positive that if I keep thinking positive and continue to email my counselor that everything will be fine and I'll get through the holiday/winter sadness. At least I'm not on medication anymore and I hope to remain that way, which I have for a long time now. If I take another pill it'll be for love.

"Take another pill for love, let it open
Up your mind to
Be free again
Think of everyone you've lost, let them
Open up your heart to
Complete yourself"


Bring Love Bring Change.


-Nathan

Because I can't help but feel that it's there

It started to flood
Wishing, Waiting, Wanting
Phone calls and Texts
Remember that night
Tape ball
And a kiss
Breathing you for months
I’ve missed you
I can’t help but know
That we have this connection
This strong affection
Today might have been difficult
Tomorrow might be too
I don’t have any doubts or fears
Because now I’m with you

Cause it's always raining in my head

I hope you're proud of how I've grown, how I'm turning out. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you, that you were here with all of us, with me. Going through random stuff at times and then something just clicks, something hits me really hard and I'm triggered with emotion. Happy, sad, scared, fearful, confused, lost, regret. I'll always be able to say I've endured more than almost any other person my age will ever deal with in there entire life. Its something I have a constant battle with inside about if it's more good or bad that things happen to me early in life, that I experienced death, that Ive felt lose, that I've had to grieve and grow up faster than everyone else. There are people who have had it worse and people who haven't felt a thing close to the pain Ive felt over the last 8 years of my life. I wouldn't wish any of the pain Ive felt on anyone. I'm writing this because the holidays are always going to be hard for me. Each year its a tad less and less, but the pain always shows up. Would I do the things I did with you when I was younger if you were still here today? Would I have played a different sport? Would I be the same person I am now? I don't think anything would change, but I know I would have pushed myself so much harder to be the best I could have been while you were still here with me. I don't feel I gave you 100% of me. I feel like I have been trying to make it up since you've left me. I try to do what I can for mom, I protect her from what I think she needs protecting from and I do the same for Jonathan. I just one time wish God or you in some way would give me a sign that I'm going to amount to what you hope I amount to. I ask questions I have answers to, I get emotional about things that I honestly already understand, but it feels like it helps me inside to sometimes vent all this out. I love you and miss you so much dad. We all do.



Your words to me just a whisper
Your faces so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear

'Cause its always rainin in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

So I speak to you in riddles
'cause my words get in my way.
I smoke the whole thing to my head
and feel it wash away
'cause i can't take anymore of this,
I want to come apart.
or dig myself a little hole inside
your precious heart

'Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

I am nothing more than a little boy inside
That cries out for attention
yet I always try to hide
'Cause I talk to you like children,
Though I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed

'Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

One, breathe in to be free

I've got this best friend names Morgan and her and I last night were talking. We were talking about some of my posts as well as the section of her myspace where she's saying how she feels about today's world, and how I agree, and how we always get told to step down from defending ourselves, although we've been taught to do the exact thing all our lives, to defend ourselves.

Anyway, I just thought I'd post her own words that she has written for you to take a look at or just read and later talk shit on, either way her and I don't care, at least you'll read it or not and hear how we feel.

Here is the link:
MorganEpic





Well, that sums it up. Yeah, she's gotten a bit of hate mail, as well as mail from people who support what she's saying. I mean you've got to understand this, lots of the time when someone like Morgan or I or anyone is strait up saying how they feel, yeah we don't know all the technical bullshit with some of the stuff, but we know what we've been told, and shown all our lives about war, gas prices, the economy in general, as well as racism, etc. It's really something that's been pounded in our skulls. The reality of things is that you can't protect people from the world, and it sort of sucks, because there's a lot of stuff I don't want my kids to end up thinking is right just because the government or officials say is it. F*ck that. I want my children to believe what they want to believe of course, but I do want to do my best to let them know that what's always taught and said by the prude assholes that are leading america isn't always correct, and you are allowed and should stand up if you don't think it is.



Currently Listening:
Smile Empty Soul's their self titled cd.


Bring love. Bring change.

Here's Tom with the Weather

No real purpose behind this post other than posting it to tell you I'm on a Tool listening high.

And I felt like posting one of my favorite Tool song's lyrics.

Third Eye
By Tool

Lyrics are possible thanks to: Here's Tom with the Weather

[Third Eye]

-Bill Hicks:See I think, drugs have some done good things for us. I really do. And if you don't believe drugs have done good things for us. Do me a favor, go home tonight, take all your albums, all your tapes, and all your CDs, and burn them. 'Cause you know what? The musicians who made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years? Reeeeeeeal fucking high on drugs.-

-Today young men on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one conciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather.-

-It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom is what it is, okay? Keep that in mind at all times, thank you.-

Dreaming of that face again.
It's bright and blue and shimmering.
Grinning wide and comforting me with it's three warm and wild eyes.

On my back and tumbling
down that hole and back again
rising up and wiping the webs and the dew from my withered eye.

{indistinct}
In Out In Out
Innnnnnnnnn!

{6:52}
-A child's rhyme stuck in my head.
It said that life is but a dream.
I've spent so many years in question,
to find I've known this all along.-

"So good to see you.
I've missed you so much.
So glad it's over.
I've missed you so much.
Came out to watch you play.
Why are you running away?
Came out to watch you play.
Why are you running?"

-Shrouding all the ground around me.
Is this holy crow above me.
Black as holes within a memory
and blue as our new second sun.
I stick my hand into his shadow
to pull the pieces from the sand.
Which I attempt to reassemble
to see just who I might have been.
I do not recognize the vessel,
but the eyes seem so familiar.
Like phosphorescent desert buttons
singing one familiar song... -

"So good to see you.
I've missed you so much.
So glad it's over.
I've missed you so much.
Came out to watch you play.
Why are you running away?
Came out to watch you play.
Why are you running away?"

(Prying open my third eye. 4x)

So good to see you once again.
I thought that you were hiding.
And you thought that I had run away.
Chasing the tail of dogma.

(Opened my eye 3x) And there we were (Opened my eye 3x) And there we were

So good to see you once again
I thought that you were hiding from me.
And you thought that I had run away.
Chasing a trail of smoke and reason.

{whispering voices}

(Prying open my third eye. 10x



In my opinion just amazing!



Bring love. Bring change.

Government is Another way to say Better...Than...You

Let's face is every time there is something good, it's made out to be bad. Either by the government or by everyday prude ass people all over.

I have a fairly open mind.

But, not all people are me.

So.... even posting this won't get my point across now will it?

Just read it, shoot the shit on it later.

I'm headed up to Charlie Brown's in WV tonight with my cousin Erin. They've got the basic "redneck" gear for hunting, camping, fishing, that sort of stuff... as well as a whole smoking accessories section, which may I add is fairly big.

And I started searching random shit about how people claim that people have died from smoking up Mary Jane.

The results...

LMAO ROFL

=)

Now, just to show you some of the stuff I've read here's a link to a site where someone is posting info so you will know if your children are smoking up. LOL. Enjoy =)


IS YOUR CHILD?


Now, to all those prude assholes.

Read this shizz, which is also posted on that site in defence of tok'n up.

EAT IT!

All that needs to be said.



Currently Listening:

I and I By Soulfly



Bring love. Bring change.

Just...

Just a few seconds away from everyone, from everything.

We've all felt like our day was shit from the start on one occasion or another. If you haven't then, hell you must have a perfect life, you must live in a 300,000+ home, fancy things, college diploma's, a smoking husband/wife, you're children are honor students and they're presidents of their class, and you absolutely love your job, right? I've got news, that doesn't exist... for ANYONE.

I hope that the intro to this blog didn't come off like I'm miserable or anything, because I'm not. But we all have those days and if you are reading this thinking, no not really, then you have must be a f*cking comedian, because I'm laughing at you, you're lying to yourself. My point is that somedays we get so worked up over something big, little, even things that aren't even a concern of ours, and it ultimately makes our day terrible. You just want to go home pack a bowl, and grab the liquor, you even take a shot for random shit, you might even drink a little something for your lazy dog that's starring at you as your light up, or some random ass fish you won at a carnival. F*ck it!

Last night was my evening of shit storms. I'll lay out the combination of things that created this storm. My 14 year old brother that is in that stage where it's he is a f*cking smartass. My ankle/foot has started to really become painful while walking on it and I'm not sure why, so that put me in a f*ck the world mood. And earlier we moved in my full size bed and my brother was given my twin one to replace his bunkbeds he'd had. OMFG! He was bitching about everything. At that point when he then started his bullshit attitude towards each and every person and I think each of us in the back of our heads said, "Jesus f*cking christ he is a bitch!"

Alls well in the end I suppose. I left some adventures out of the details, but they weren't as important as talking about my 24/7 male pmsing brother, he must have a huge vagine. =) jk. In the end I slept on my comfortable full size bed that I can actually lay out in and move around a lot more and feel like im smaller then the bed instead of vise versa.

And just to clarify, I love my brother with all my heart, he's just an ass sometimes. We all are at times.

Oh, one last thing, Im going to start posting what I'm currently listening to in my posts for now on, so you can feel free to explore my musical genre's.

Currently listening:
These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things
By: Death By Stereo



Bring love. Bring change.