Colds, Phone calls, and Tattoos.

Wow! I haven't posted in months! Just goes to show how busy life can be, but let's be honest, I haven't been THAT busy. To put things in simpler terms, I've been stressed out! Anyway, I need to vent so I logged onto the blog to toss some wisdom your way, although I'm not going to provide you with any new knowledge once so ever in this post.

So, I'm pissed off -_- What can I say, I get mad very easily depending on the subject, person, and what mood I'm in to begin with. I find myself rather upset and I'm not quite sure why? That's normal right? Go figure. I am recovering from a rather legit cold that has kicked my immune systems ass for days, and my first day back to work was today. So, I make it through the day ( which seemed to move very slow ) and the first thing I want to do is just hear Alex's voice, just talk to her, see what she's up to, what she's been doing all day, etc, etc.

Ring, ring, ring, no answer. So, of course I leave a voice mail: "Hey, call me back". I'm simple like that. Anyway, I get a call back a few minutes later and everything's kosher, until she's talking about her tattoo that she was supposed to have gotten Monday ( now changed to today ) and how she hasn't gone yet and is waiting on the place to call her back if they can ink her today or not. Also, Alex was supposed to go Christmas shopping today with her/our new friend Chase ( I'll finally meet the kid Friday, he's new to area ).

So, I'm talking: "Well, why don't you just meet up with Chase now or have done so earlier and just you know, gone and schedule the tattoo for the next free day off, less stress that way and you'd have had more time to actually shop today and hang out with Chase." Her initial response is, "No, I want it now". Now, if she were a young kid who wanted candy or a new toy, I'd expect that response, but not from an 18 year old who her license, a car, a job, cell phone, etc, etc. I mean come on now, real...

Bottom line, I got pissed off. I mean, her response was just so "immature" to my ears. Now, I know reading this, this has to sound ridiculous. I suppose I should explain that her oldest sister "PROMISED" her the tattoo to begin with, but since her younger sister was doing this whole "bring in a brand new 10$ bill for Christmas, get a "X" by "X" size tattoo "FREE" <- anyway="anyway" but="but" free="free" get="get" guess="guess" i="i" intentional="intentional" it.="it." it="it" not="not" obviously="obviously" p="p" quotations.="quotations." s="s" story.="story." that="that" there="there">
So, I understand her having wanted this thing for months now since probably June/July as a graduation gift. Let's make this clear if there's one thing I have noticed about Lea ( her oldest sister ) it's that she can't keep promises that involve her spending her own money on something substantial and or of any substantial amount of money. I'll stop it there. So, her mother was like "I'll pay for your tattoo Alex" and this came about because her youngest sister Jess kept going on about getting her small 10$ tattoo and it rubbed Alex the wrong way, having been promised hers for months now.

Okay, back to where I got set off, as you know Alex was just rubbing me the wrong way with her whiny attitude about not having gone to get her tattoo done yet today ( It's like 3:40 ) so the day's not over with, but I personally would've just jumped at more time with a new friend as well as shopping if I were her, especially with it being her 1 day off that she's aware of right now. I'm not her of course and as we all know she REALLY wants the ink done already. I get that much, but damn.

Could you be more rude on the phone, now I should mention I had an "Ok" day at work, but I also just wanted to hear her voice, talk, and relax. Not talk to her and get all this noise, ya know?

Ends up where she finally says "Yeah I know what you're saying" but she still had this attitude. I said "I think I'll talk to you later, okay?" She then goes into questioning why, and eventually say's well okay then.

Well see, I sort of figured she's somewhat fight for me to actually talk to her and have a conversation outside of all this tattoo junk. My hopes were far from right, instead it was "Well, okay, I'll talk to you later then." Granted this is good, I wasn't thrilled to hear that, but like I said better than nothing, but as I stop to try and save this what seems like a "waste" of a phone call, it just ends up where I hurt her feelings and vise versa by asking why she just won't talk and by that I mean about anything else ( as stated ). I eventually got just fed up and said "Fuck this" and got off the phone. We were both immature, hell me more than her probably, but I just had a hell of a day and broke the whole "calm" bullshit.

Truth be told I think I was still somewhat hurt from last night, you know been taking cold medicine for days, and I went to bed early of course ( work in morning ) and gave myself extra time to talk to her ( who doesn't want to talk to their significant other before bed? )

Well she was watching a movie with a friend last night. This is a good thing though, she needs friends here and there, she hasn't had too many around lately. I for whatever reason just felt so helpless and misunderstood and alone, I guess it was a combination of having a "plan" for before bed as well as fed up with this cold.

So overall I'd rate this more me than her, but that doesn't get her off the line. She still wasn't cool, def not cool.

Well, I feel somewhat better. Thanks for being here when I need you blogger!

Passion

Oh, wow. I fucked up. Have you ever stumbled upon something, legit stumbled upon something, not walked into a room with the intent of looking for something in particular, but seen something that caught your eye and started reading it or looking into it, whatever it may be? Yeah, I just did that. Honestly, I'm sort of hurt, not to sit here and complain or be a "bitch" about it, but I sort of am really hurt inside, but I suppose things could be worse, worse things could have been written, more detail could have been noted in that flimsy black notebook that I shouldn't have even picked up and flipped pages through. Ugh, my stomach is like telling me to get the hell out of this situation now. I hate it, but what is my heart telling me, well what I feel its telling me is to ask her about it, but is it worth it? Is it going to create a false answer to come from her lips, or is it going to then create tension & worse, bring him back into her thoughts again. I like to think I'm pretty trusting of people, and maybe that's my downfall. As right now, I sit typing this and I can almost feel myself getting more upset, but am I in the right or wrong to be upset, if anything I think she'll be more upset with me, once I tell her, which has to be relatively soon, like today or tomorrow, or else if I am not holding the right composure, will probably note that something's off. Well, never mind because I made the mistake of responding to one of her texts, and then adding on "Can I ask you something, a question I brought upon myself." That was a mistake, I can't do that to her, like I can't tell her I read some of it, especially while she's at work, that's just not cool, I'd hate to have to "deal" with something or feel stressed about something while at work. She's with me for a reason, not him, if she wanted him she'd be with him. If he was any form of guy that deserved her, he "might" have her, but from what I've been told, he may have had some good qualities, but in the end he wasn't a very nice guy, a nice guy isn't someone who toys you around, sleeps with you, creates a false pretense of feelings in your head, and then when you know it's not a good situation and pull away, and realize certain things about that person, and move or, or try to do so as well as you know how, then you want to show up in her life and confess some sort of "I want a relationship with you now" now that I've already sort of taken what I wanted from you and seen that I don't have someone steady to go hang out with and sleep with, no dude, sorry I don't know you, but fuck you. I'm getting a lot more livid about this than I imagined I would, not a good quality to possess in the moment. She responded when I said, "actually ignore that, it's no big deal" which clearly wasn't the right use of words either. She says "Noo, tell me." Well, I think if I do tell you at all it'll be through you reading this or me talking to you in person, not through text, the better way is in person. I take the "serious" things we speak about, like the fact that we do like each other, that you do tell me you like me a lot, and see this going into the future ( you don't know how far, well shit I don't either ) but we're both giving our best efforts, and as far as I was aware it's going well, things are smooth and you are happy, I know I make you happy, I can see it on your face, hell your sister and family has told me I make you happy to my face with their own lips. But, in the event that it's all wrong, that sucks. I hope Jesse isn't an issue, I've asked you before, but I brought the paranoia upon me, myself. All because I read those 4 or 5 pages out of curiosity and with a smile on my face hoping I'd see something nice written about me, who knows, but I didn't go into your room looking for trouble, or any of your personal shit, I really don't know what I was doing, I just I'm here alone at the moment, your mom just left and well, I went upstairs walked into your room, for some stupid reason layed down on your bed and then noticed the notebook beside your nightstand, in the moment I just went for it, like oh whats this, I am sorry.

4/20 weekend.

Ha, okay. First off. blogger has decided to change it's layout as far as how things look when I'm typing a post, I do not know if I like it at all, not yet at least. It looks like it's my entire screen! Regardless of that rant, I've had an excellent week, 1 down vs many ups. I'll take that any day! Gzus, this layout makes me feel like I'm in Word typing. Okay, so I'm basically just going to rant about stuff tonight. It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most. Seriously, how could I make that any more true! I've experienced some of the simplest things over the past month and they have made me the happiest of people. I like to think life is easy, we make it hard. That isn't entirely true, sometimes life is going to be shit. Point being, the small things that you do and act on will always outmatch the things that are huge and overdone. Also, did I mention I'm awesome? Well lets get all hopelessly romantic for a bit. Alex and I are doing very well, funny thing, 1 month together fell on 4/20. Oh that silly "holiday" and all it is. I've got to hand it to her parents, what a daughter they've raised. Alex brings out the best side I have, couldn't ask for more. She's easy on the eyes ; ) Easily one of the nicest girls/people I have had the opportunity to meet in my life, and I couldn't be more attracted to the person she is through and through. Now, 1 month isn't any crazy amount of time, but it's just nice to realize how time has passed so quickly and how happy we've been when we're together. Feeling good, we're feeling alright =) It's funny how little time her and I had together over the weekend, last night we were able to sit and talk for an hour or two. Can't complain with that, we talked about a lot actually, a lot of things that well I guess we both sort of just had sort of sitting in our head from time to time. It was nice, it's always nice to hold her in my arms, or just completely bum it sometimes and be lazy around the house with her, although this weekend didn't leave me with much sunshine. I swore at one point it was going to snow today. I was asked for the first time this weekend if I am or was ever jealous of Jesse. Jesse happens to be this guy who was "seeing" Alex prior to her and I meeting. I'm not saying he's a douchebag or anything of that sort, I don't know the guy. I will admit this much, when I asked her to show me him on Facebook the other evening when we were kicking it in her room, I wish I hadn't. Guys certainly stacked as far as being a bit bigger than I am, not saying that's everything by any means. Hell I'm a liar if I don't admit to seeing him and being like wow, um did I luck out or something because dude looks like he tries to be a badass.. .., and might sort of pull it off, hence why I sort of think him and I wouldn't get along one bit, oh and the fact that I "win" Actually I didn't win anything. I guess I am just a good guy, with the right mix of "bad" attitude. Who knows guys, who knows. I'm all about the look that you're giving me =) So, to answer the question. I did indeed say yes I suppose I have been a little, not so much now as opposed to where I had first really been informed of who he was and what they were doing as far as any sort of "relationship" was going on. Which there wasn't. It was one of those meh, I don't know the word for it. Regardless, I am not trying to bad talk him one bit, but yes I suppose a little part of me was at one point, only because I didn't know much and I was so excited to be around you and have met you. No worries though, I'm as normal as the next guy in my reaction I think. Just like you said: I'm with you because I want you, I like you. I'm not with him, I'm not with anyone else, I'm with you. Now I'm going to bounce off of this thing, I am currently repeatedly listening to Rebelution on Spotify.

Freakn Weekend?

I had probably one of the best weekends yet! Aside from the unfortunate expected drama =/ things went great, and I had an awesome time with Alex as well as some of the friends.

Do I believe in the L word as first site, yes, I'm not saying that this is anything like that, but I certainly like this girl a whole lot, and I feel like this is going somewhere, and I feel like it's not going to slow down (within moderation) I know I sound "love struck" or whatever, but it's a crazy world out there, so if that suits the feeling so be it.

I have such a quality girl in my life, how can I, me, Nathan Pipher be so lucky...,

Really, I'm over thinking girls that have all these qualities don't exist, because what's there not to believe, she's right in front of me! She's with me! No one else, there is no bullshit guy(s) trying to cause issues, things are so smooth going, I feel like I try so so hard to explain how much I like the girl, but I risk smothering her or something. As much as she says she's loves hearing how I'm feeling and that she tries to put all her feelings into words herself, I just don't want to ruin it haha.

Now, that's all said and done. Yes, I'm all smiles. Each week I can't wait to see her. I enjoy all of her company! I love the way she makes me feel.

I've started something, I leave notes for her, I try to leave them in odd places or somewhere that I know for sure she'll see them eventually. I like doing it, it's my way of trying to "keep things alive" not that I have to worry about that at all, but you know what I mean, right? It's fun, it's something I like to think she enjoys getting, I imagine her smiling when she reads them, and keeping them somewhere special every time adding to the pile.

Who knows, I think I'm a bit too hopelessly romantic, but this weekends picnic went awesome!!!

I decided I'd get a basket from home, toss 2 wine glasses in it with a wine she likes, and grab a blanket. The food, well I was going to go with take out Chinese, butDel Sol sounded so good! I felt on top of the world putting it together, I felt like this is something she can say no other guy does, that she would love it, and she did.

It all went well, we ate, sat, talked, held hands, all that stuff. And towards the end of it, which was mainly because of a tiny bit of rain that was spitting, anyway as I was saying she looked to me as we layed talking and says "Thank you" she does it with the perfect face, smile, & ughhhh, you have no idea how great of a feeling it is to have a person in your life that respects all the effort you put into something.

Her dad approved =)

Now, it's like 10:21 and I have to get to bed shortly, I hope you read this.

Goodnight!

So,

So, lately has been great. I've been introduced to a girl through a friends girlfriend.

Funny how the world works out. So far, and I don't see this stopping, I am really into her. There is some sort of spark that ignites when she smiles and I can't help but love every moment of it.

She's really got everything I've ever looked for in a person, and in this situation a girlfriend.

I have had my fair share of shit to deal with over the last 3-4 years and it shows right on my sleeve and even more through old posts in this blog. As I sit and read through so many of them, I realize when I said I was happy, I truly wasn't and that's something that was at first very painful to realize, but I'm very glad it is something I am able to look back on now and know wasn't right for me in my life.

That being said, lets get back to the positive, I know no one reads this, and I know the few who even know it exists may or may not even check up on it.

So, Alex, oh Alex, haha.

This girl gives me all sorts of butterflies, we just click.

I have never shared some of the moments I have with Alex in the past few weeks, compared to being with someone for years, it's crazy how much you can sit back and realize.

What can I say, I'm happy & I am glad I finally decided to post something tonight.

I've wanted to delete this entire thing, but truth be told I can't do it. I think I'll end up making a new one soon in terms of starting a new =)

Back to Alex and I, this girl is great! That is the only word I'm going to use because there are some people and things in life you can't put a word for and so far I can't find any other than happiness.

Ugh, just chiefed the hookah and it was way too hot!

I am a.d.d. obviously.

I haven't decided if I want to give her the link to this yet, but I know I will.

On that note, I'm going to sit on Skype.

Goodnight.

There's already a pattern, you let me hang myself for as long as you want, then after you're done with me, you don't even bother to cut me down, you leave me to pick up all the pieces. If a total random turn around doesn't happen, it never will.

Indubitably

I wonder if you already know,

I want to ask but I get distracted by how you glow,

You got me tongue-tied and nervous,

I'm shaking from my head to the sole of my shoes.



I have a problem with my memory,

When it comes to forgetting you,

I can't recall anything at all.



You see darling,

You captivate me,

Accidentally,

And now,

I've fallen in love,

Indubitably.

You know

I wanna see you
and hug you
and kiss you
and make you smile
and make you laugh
and just lie on the sofa next to you
and then just fall asleep beside you
it'd be nice.