"It's not hard to fail, it's not easy to win."
-S.W. / Cold.
Along with roller coaster of emotions that I go through trying to understand and deal with my lifes down moments I usually try and see the better part of things that I am and/or should be thankful for. When I really think about what I'm thankful for, it's definitely nothing like the pilgrims and indians would be sitting on there asses talking about that's for sure. Wow, look at me, I'm making references to holidays now, yippe. Anyway, right now I feel like I am where I'm supposed to be, on track with where I should head towards, friends with the right friends and in a relationship with a girl who I should be with. That doesn't solve all the stuff I'm stressing about!
I've got the stress of finding a job, which ok I'll admit that I am on picky bastard about this job thing. I do not want to work a really bullshit job that I have always told myself I won't end up doing, but on the other hand we have to do shit we don't always want to do.. I love how those classic sayings are starting to appear realistic to me now. I just really want the warm weather to get here, so that I can hopefully get in with a landscaping contractor to learn and get work with because if I had my way I'd do that all my life, just learn about plants/flowers and landscape that shit like a pro. Let me guess.., who say's you can't have it your way Nathan? The world doesn't like honest work anyone haha!
"She didn't come from the same world
See the same things, I can't deny
I bled on stages to get here, sent screams
Up to the sky"
-S.W. / Cold
My relationship with my girlfriend continues to go well, she's planning on staying where she is now, home with her mom and sister, she'll attend Sheppard and work for her mother's boyfriend as long as he keeps her employed, she'll have more support here and it'll be easier finacially and in my opinion much more comforting emotionally for her. I was very exciting when I not only read her blog about it all, as well as her telling me over the phone tonight. So, things are going to continue to grow between us, not that it was stopping.
In other random bullshit that I can type about I'd like to bring up that I have been on a Cold listening kick the past few days and it always brings out the good and bad memories when I listen to a good heartfelt song that Scooter has written with the pain and suffering of both good and bad that he himself has experienced in his lifetime.
"Why can't you look, why can't you look at me
See what I see
Why can't you feel, why can't you feel like
Me feel what I feel
Why can't you hurt, why can't you hurt like me
Taste the pain I feel"
-S.W. / Cold
I'm positive that if I keep thinking positive and continue to email my counselor that everything will be fine and I'll get through the holiday/winter sadness. At least I'm not on medication anymore and I hope to remain that way, which I have for a long time now. If I take another pill it'll be for love.
"Take another pill for love, let it open
Up your mind to
Be free again
Think of everyone you've lost, let them
Open up your heart to
Complete yourself"
Bring Love Bring Change.
-Nathan
No comments:
Post a Comment