Hold up, why are you still here?

"I've been dirtier than you want to know.
I've left earlier than you'll ever know."

Those lines are from a song called Dirty And Left Out - By The Almost.

You know it's really interesting because to me, it really hit me hard listening to the song. It was like eyes piercing through me, that type of heartfelt song. The kind of song that makes you think of how those exact words are branded on you, but almost no one knows they're there. The song goes on to say:


"Why do you wanna be all listening to me
Why do you spread your arms and tell me I'm free
Why do you wanna be in my life
In my life"


I realize I could relate to each part of the song. Those lines to me are asking anyone, friends, family, Jesus. Why? I mean they say that you won't get an answer until you ask, right? Well, it's a good line of questions and each line of the song is just amazing. In this case the song is in fact about Jesus.

It's a beautiful song about him and why he wants each and everyone of us to let him in our lives, not just certain parts. I personally have realized that I have sort of made boundaries for God in my life. I'll say a prayer and then sometimes I have found myself praying for something that I can control myself or so I think, so I just sort of tell God to let it alone, and just stay out of that aspect of my life, but hey you can have all the other parts.

It's really not helping us in the end, I'm learning that slowly, especially since I've gone back to church, I've really found it comfortable and I want to stay, I mean for now at least, so yes I very well may have just contradicted myself some, but it is an amazing church none the less and I like it. So this summer I've asked myself to let my guards down and to let him in all parts of my life, and it's so hard to do. There is a particular part of my life I want him to show me where I'm supposed to be and with what people, and so many things.

I'm just waiting and waiting, and I know in the end it'll be shown when I don't expect it, which is the beauty of it.

Bring love. Bring change.